School thoughts during the summer/Second Son worries

Just the other day, I enrolled Girly and Boo in the same Charter School that Junior graduated from and that Second Son is attending (or is that failing?).  Girly and Boo are so excited to attend such a wonderful school and have a fresh start with new kids.  They are not what I'm thinking about this summer though.

Second Son.  I've always known that he would MUCH RATHER be homeschooled than anything else.  But I've also always known that it would NOT work.  This year though, I'm not feeling that immediate "FAIL" feeling.  Does this mean that I should homeschool him?  I don't think so.  But I also don't think we have the right schooling system set up for him either.  We have tried (and failed at) so many things for him in the past, and I don't know what we can try for him next.  One of the things that I am very hesitant about with homeschooling him is that he really really needs peers and friends.  Good ones.  The only thing we haven't tried is private schools, but we cannot afford them.  Does ANYONE have any ideas???

Oh, let me give a few more details.  He threatens suicide when he gets in too much trouble (which is really only grounding from electronics and friends).  He has a fascination with diapers, diaper porn, and poop. and anything that puts these things together.  Yes, follow your imagination to the grossest of gross and beyond.  He doesn't clean up after himself very well, he stinks, and when he is forced to clean his messes, he uses my good towels and then throws them away!  The whole household/family has just sunk into not wanting anyone to come over because we don't know when a stink will arise from wherever he is.

This puts me out of cleaning anything.  I've really given up.  Yes, it's my fault, I shouldn't give up for the rest of my family's sake.  But I have.  I try to keep them in a good enough position so that they can leave the house well, but I haven't done a good job lately.  I have decided to work harder to change that.

Yet, the point is the whole family feels  kind of chained or imprisoned by Second Son's choices.  About a year ago Social Services came because Second Son complained to a teacher about how Big Daddy treated him (after a ginormous mess!).  Within a few minutes of speaking to the kids and us, SS totally changed their tune and were asking how they could help US as parents of this child.  They said they had so many programs that could help.  But unfortunately since we were insured, NONE of their programs would help us.  SS closed the case and we haven't heard anything from anyone, except we take him to his psych every week.  Even with that, he's not getting any "better." 

After he was caught shoplifting Adult Diapers, then his doctor put him on Celexa- which is an anti-depressant- for "impulse control."  I also hope it will help slow down his libido and need/want for said Adult Diapers.   We are also changing up how we do his grounding (2 days on, 3 days off- except when he's "off" grounding, he still won't get his iTouch back, nor will he be allowed inside any stores), with some other things thrown in.  The doctor said this should be more advantageous and that he will learn more from the multiple groundings than from one long, constant groundation.

I put this out with just a long big, SOS! to see if anyone, anywhere, has any wisdom, experience, thoughts, advice, for me.  Please???